Tapestry

Head above her head, wavering in pain

Suffering from what might be

The nurses crowd in, a cop stands at the door

Clinging to her hope while pacing the floor

The ringing noise finally fades as people begin

to disperse

The shock set on the table is wheeled out

that was submersed.

A breath comes out as things slow to calm

brought back to life from something going wrong

Waiting and wondering life seems to be

like this woman standing by the window with tapestry.

Alone in Belief

I'm yearning inside for them to know

but the wall is set and i'm alone.

Alone in my thoughts and prayers as i sit here and wait.

Wonder and think of when it will come; the last day.

No pain and no agony comes from eyes.

However the lost of this i have come to realize.

I wish for peace and there is none.

I wish for hope but what can i expect while i am among.

Even the closest to me do not understand

perhaps I was wrong about the closeness i share

I wish they'd understand my passion

I wish they'd understand my heart

I'm sick of the slandering of words

and the flinging of the darts.

This is eternity i want to say

but my words and quilled and taken

away.

I don't want to waste life with regrets

I want to live it like how i was meant

So few can grasp the urge to save a life

but maybe i'm in the wrong crowd

i just want to shout aloud

That Christ is alive and can bring peace

miracles can happen and love can increase

But i'm held back by the word "No"

and "I don't think you should".

Time to respect, I can't reject

but my heart is pounding in me

let the blind see.

I'm holding on to what he says

and praying for a miracle

from his birth to the cross

to the grave where he rose again.

Help me Help me. Give me strength and courage

I say to God.

Hear me oh hear me i'm desperate among

desperate people.

What can I say and what can I do

All i know Is i have to be the grain amongst the few/

Resurrection

These tears hidden behind these eyes are under no spell.

guiding your words to my heart to where they dwell.

Groveling for breath in this world of men,

no matter I feel trapped once again.

Hearing you speak with those hateful words to me

is like a thousand spears that drown out my soul

and into a dream.

Castrating ever emotion I ever could feel,

if only writing these words could keep my mind sealed.

I don't want to become the demon I once was,

so i give my mind a round of applause.

Begging for mercy to be just like you, but

i'm constantly finding away to make them askew.

Dear mind, i loathe the way you think and the lies you tell me.

How could you become my worst enemy.

Dragging through filth with the dirt on my knees,

all bloodied and buried underneath these feet.

Sought out after the grave of who I buried long ago,

watching it slowly resurrect from head to toe.

Breaking that inner spirit I once thought I head,

shattering my dreams which made this scar bled.

Pain on my skin feels no different then,

suddenly the past is rising from the dead.

Things People Don't Tell You About Sex Before Marriage

Sure, Sex is great. But little do people understand what happens when they have sex before marriage.

Besides what religion you are or what faith you have or besides any spiritual background that you come from, sex before marriage comes with a price later on.

I know because I did; with someone other than my husband.

Not only does it make your spouse possibly jealous but it also complicates the closeness

and openness you may feel about sex later on.

Sex is designed for that bond that you are only suppose to share with your husband or wife.

Having sex before marriage complicates that bond and may not provide that closeness that was intended because it was used loosely (perhaps) in the past.

Sometimes sex before marriage wasn't intended. In some examples, drinking comes into play and others would be persuasion and peer pressure. Examples I can relate to.

I talked to someone about their feeling about sex now that he is married and because he put up a wall before he was married (so he wouldn't get too close to someone) , sex isn't as special or important as what should have been for him now.

Now from my personal experience.

I feel regret and wish I would have waited for the man I married.

Not only for my beliefs but because I now I have regrets and loss. I lost

a best friend (that was a guy) because we had sex one time.

Another reason why i don't drink anymore is because of sex. I made mistakes

and was stupid and let others persuade me into giving away something that I wanted to keep.

Yes, it was my choice however, I let the small voice in my head dissipate.

Everyone has secrets and small regrets about what they wish they would have done differently in life. Even if its to wait for marriage to have sex.

Another thing I want to point out: Most people "This is the one. This is the girl/guy i'm going to marry." But never predict or "think" that the person your having sex with or in a relationship with is the "one". Another direct example of what I thought and how later on I broke it off with that person, although we were close to engagement, I realized our differences in belief or morals and I broke it off. Therefore proving my point; that you never know for "sure" until the day comes when you walk down the aisle or stand there and say your vows to the one you will commit to.

A lot of people are hurt and/or in pain from past relationships, past sexual flings with people leaving and going and things failing between two people. Besides the chance of pregnancy.

We still don't learn. Women and men see this common theme where pain can come from having sex before marriage no matter the situation, but we still do it. We still decide to follow what we "feel" and what we think is right. We need to look at statistics and think how we will feel in the future.

Do we want to live life with regret? Do we want to wish that we would have waited?

Do we want to make sex special? Do we want to wish we would have done it differently?

Do we want to be satisfied with how we made life choices? Do we want to provide and care for children at the age of 16?

Now, because abortion is legal and there is so many ways to "get rid" of children with certain birth controls, plan B and other abortionistic things, teenagers and young adults consider risking sex.

Why has it become such an okay thing? Does tv shows promote this? yes. Why cant we look around and realize what is truly important??

I wish someone would have hit me in the head with this. I wish i could go back and erase those few things. And i believe hearing someone tell you that "You shouldn't do that" wont help but for someone to tell you that it's not worth the pain later on and that standing up for your beliefs is way better. That something to stand up for.

Sex is not overrated. Sex is meant to be special. However, if it occurs before marriage, that gift to your spouse is so much more meaningful and special and wonderful..And all that jealousy and talks about past sexual relationships and the hurt wont be there.

I promise you, it would have been the best choice if I would have just stood up for myself and didn't join the crowd with their lies of something thats "cool" and "great". Who knows...It wasnt.

It would have been much more greater if i would have made the right decision.

Another blunt blog coming your way,

A Closing Chapter, A New Promise, The Unexpectant Truth

There's only a few weeks till this year is over and another one will then begun.

So much has happened. But then so little has happened as well.

A lot of things going around with people. But me? It feels i'm standing still with my career

goals, dreams and aspirations sitting beside me.

Before I begin anything or write anything, i'd like to make a promise as well as

Beginning these entries from here on out as unexpectant truths.

Pure openess about my thoughts and what is going on with me and my head.

I'm sick of writers and journalists, portraying only what they "want" to feel or what they "want"

to happen or what they "want" people to see in them, rather than what IS.

So starting off with things I have witnessed, have done and wished to do-

I Got Engaged.

I Got Married.

My Grandfather died.

My Mother found out she has breast cancer.

I began a Photography business.

Lost money.

Gained money.

Got a few new jobs. Both of them: horrible.

Didn't Go to School.

Went to Chicago.

Had a pregnant scare and another.

Got a Motorcycle.

Got a New Camera.

Made Love_inAction Co. (An organization to help the needy).

Felt Depressed.

Felt Alone.

Felt Happy.

Felt Scared.

Felt Nervous.

Loved.

Dislike.

Felt Unwanted and Rejected.

Prayed.

Hoped.

Almost gave Plasma (This week I will).

....More to come i'm sure.

So now-right now i will be telling gruesome truths. Some G rated and some R rated.

Somethings about love and sex, other things about hate and dishonor. And who knows maybe

things that have been knocking on my head about family and respect and what is "right" or "wrong" in a crisis.....

Today a new blog begins, but the person remains the same.

Bitterness Could Turn Sweet

Wipe the Insanity off my face,

give me a look I can't ignore perhaps something more.

This scream fills my dreams like an unheard melody

within the rotten seam. Destiny is calling you

To that unheard song you once new. All these hours

screaming out, finally untrapped me from this doubt.

Show me how to follow the flowing water that

guides me to a safe place ive never been.

Only through Him I say.

Without these words I have no faith.

Without you the deal is broke

and without you I know i'll choke.

Without you I feel the dirt and I feel the pain,

But with you ah thats different to say.

With you I am strong.

With you I am whole

and with you, i have a love

i've never known.

Help me be more like you.

I want to live the purpose you have for me.

Help me only look towards you.

Kill the bitterness, break down the walls

and just set my heart free.

Memories in these Walls

So many memories we have

So many days he carried.

Life is short, just a vapor away.

In a glimpse of an eye, it is here and

gone today.

We reminisce of the past

of what he did, what he gained

and what we lost.

Deep down inside, we know that he's

in a better place.

No sorrow, no anguish and no pain.

Memories in these walls that

are painted by a vision.

Letting go makes it the

hardest decision.

But having hope and knowing he was saved,

gives us peace in knowing Dave

and where he is today.

"With Jesus in Heaven"

I hear toddlers say,

making tears come from my

eyes, marking a smile on

my face.

Let this be a realization to us all,

as these memories hang on the wall.

He was a man of brilliance and wit

He gave up his time and pursued his gift.

He managed to love his wife, children and family.

He was stubborn and never gave up easily.

We morn over his loss

but in the end we know who paid

the cost.

For our sins and iniquities,

it was Jesus Christ who died for Dave,

for you and for me.

And that is how he's rejoicing in heaven

on this very day, because he loved

the Lord and his sins were washed away.

*In memory of Dave B Curie- a Loving Husband, Father, Brother, and Grandfather

By: Elyse Foltz

Escape

Escape

It seems these things come like electricity

Circuiting through every fiber being in me.

Rushing and racing- while my heart stops

Only for a second does it make it drop.

It seems these things come like toxicity

Suckling underneath the bridge of simplicity.

It doesn’t feel real. It feels like a dream.

As I hear the cries and I hear the screams.

Shadows looking over, the sun

Captures memories; hoping to make a run.

Blissful skies, tranquil lies;Anything to get this pain to subside.

Trying to process this emotional bind.

Creating a passage way from my heart to my mind.

Praying- imagining- hoping that life will go on

.Needing time- to leave; escape- here I come, Milan.

By: Elyse Foltz

Sometimes There is Rain...

Right now it is raining.

Sometimes I feel like in Life, rain is God's love or his mercy's and blessings but other times I feel like it's worries and stress and all the difficulties in life that come down.

Not only a sprinkle but a pouring rain that drenches you, that makes you scared

of your appearance.

What am I scared of you may ask?

Life.

Losing Love.

Failing.

Running.

Mysteriously growing farther and farther away from someone...

or something.

Sometimes tides of rain come in and you are standing there with an umbrella unsure of what to do.

Sure you are equipped....but not every time do you carry an umbrella or a raincoat.

And that's where I get stuck.

I'm always feeling stranded in the middle of a field unsure when the rain is going to hit and

very unprepared for what storm will cave in.

Sometimes there is Rain, but sometimes there is something more.

Sometimes there is Rain, but other times there just might be a flood.

I've only be married for a few months and I already feel like that passion between two people can slip away so easily.

Why?

Is that normal?

Is it just me? Or is it the storm i'm waiting for or hesitating to miss?

I don't want to live with a life of regret.... as in what could have been or what should

have been...I want to live a life with purpose but at this moment feel i'm just standing out in the middle of nowhere with no sign, no manual on what to do, and not a simple drop of food or water to keep me alive....What am i missing?

It's easy to put a face, any face on something that could not be. It's easy to mislead. It's easy to lie to myself. It's easy to fake happiness.

Why is it so easy to fake and not actually to do?

I have yet to understand the true meaning of why I am the way I am. Why I want something more than the so called life I have. Why I long for passion with my relationships and the people that I love. Some show passion and that gives me hope.

However, others seem dry, heartless and say that they love but don't embrace me or others.

Are we all just stranded in fields waiting for the rain and/or the storm? Or are we stuck wishing there was a path that says "go here"?

Could it be that Sometimes there is Rain.........

and Sometimes there is Sunshine?

Waiting for the light....waiting for that sign....hopelessly, patiently, enthusiastically waiting....

Embezzled with Lace

When moments are rare and the day has come
I will lay quiet, saddened and numb.

I hate to fear the end of what we may face
When the hard looking wood will be embezzled with lace.

The breath will be gone and far away
Acknowledging the fear of what has come to this day.

No time can tell, the prediction is unknown
However, we must ignite the fire in our every bone.

When these moments come to none
and our faith has seem to be gone
we will remember who we loved,
and what he had done.

We will reminisce the laugh, the joy
the happiness, and the love we felt.
And yes, we'll remember that day nevertheless.

By: Elyse R Foltz

A Dying Rose

A Dying Rose

Her petals are dying, decaying before her eyes
The snow has fallen in which her body lies
Her stem lays cold, frozen by the atmosphere
Struggling to face reality of what her soul may appear
Her red tips suddenly fade to black,
Her leaves crumple like lips when cracked.
She is only wilting while struggling for life
There is no more blooming only pruning knives.
Her thorns keep growing while neglecting her beauty
The water she once drank has neglected its duty.
The other roses may be in a vase sitting on a table somewhere,
However she is the one alone, outside without the care.
She sees her self leaving life behind as one last petal falls.
She now only feels herself drifting as the wind makes her crawl.

Written By: Elyse Foltz

The Manager's Daughter; The Hell of it All

First off, I'd like one thing to be clear-being a manager's daughter is not fine and dandy especially when I've been working for him for years.

Things are harder, he expects MORE- way more.
But that's almost expected.

However, being treated unfairly, poorly and any other adjective that is substantial is
not the way to make anyone happy.

Everyone-Every single faculty member gets away with so much sh@!

Scenario 1) Around Thanksgiving, I was folding napkins (hence working) for my special events job and got yelled at because I had my mini netbook with me (out of sight of the guests) and was playing music on it (quietly mind you). I never did it again. That was a one time thing.
* A couple weeks later, a special events co-worker was in the kitchen (doing nothing) while sitting and having her laptop out. Now, 6 months later, she still does it. (she has never been yelled at or told no, for doing it)

Scenario 2) A guest felt unwelcomed by me supposedly because I was too busy on the "internet"- however, they didn't know that someone else went to check in before them and i was clearing out their page (so I could help them) so I am no longer allowed on facebook or technically any web page for long.
* Every other person gets distracted, and has guests waiting on them however, they ARE allowed on anything including facebook. (so i am the only one who is not allowed)

Scenario 3) I was on my phone texting today and got of course yelled at. there weren't guests around and it was on vibrate.
* Every other front desk person uses his or her phone; not only that- but keeps the sound on. never a word is said to them.

Scenario 4) Double Standard Double Standard Double Standard
* Equal Equal Equal


Plus other things are to be considered. It makes me feel like im the only one who is wrong- or who atleast gets punished for accidentals and/or miscommunications.
Where is everyone else's scolding?

2 more months then im out. I can do it.

And it goes on...

I feel like I am on a limb by myself while the rest of the world is on the other jumping and hoping i'll lose my balance and fall.
It's painful that other people who are so close to me can't understand my passion.
I'm stuck in a black hole and all the people who I thought would reach there hand down to help,
just stand on the edge staring down at me- confused as if i'm speaking a different language.
It's so frustrating. Sometimes i want to scream. Other times I want to say nothing and just let everyone stay there narrow minded self.

No One...No Back Ups.

It seems these days no one gets me or rather my thoughts and ideals.
I know they make sense. They have to make sense.
I'm playing a video game called life and i'm up against thousands and thousands.
A few people who i'd think would help me out- don't. No backups.
Where have my backups gone?

People don't understand my passion- rather what i'm passionate about.
I miss the days when someone would be like "yeah, that's awesome" or atleast
say "yeah thats a great idea, but maybe you could 'fill in blank' this or that"
I'm not even saying for someone to agree with me but just acknowledge that
im not crazy...ahhh..
Oh, it's funny. But instead of people sitting there listening or conversing, they bring
up what's negative about it or they dissect every piece of it and then criticize.
It gets old and days I just want to quit speaking, thinking, or just end passion.
But i realized i can't. It's who I am.
If people can't get over the fact that i'm passionate in ways some people don't understand,
then i guess they just won't get over it...but sometimes i wish people would.
Maybe they could see what i see.
Maybe they could feel what i feel.
or maybe, just maybe they could help rather than hurt.
Calling all backups!

Inspiration at a Concert; Making Music Count

Last night, May 8th, I went to the Musica for a couple concerts I was really excited for. My first impression of the place was good- chill theme, and really nice people to greet us at the door. Most places i've been to people at the door are either rude or seem like they don't want to be there. The atmosphere was different. A few of the bands, especially Ivoryline (a alternative/rock/christan band) ended with a dedication to orphan children who are in need of food and water in the most critical places in Africa. They offered a way for people of all ages to get involved in helping a child in need through WorldVision. Most bands have their booths set up with their items to buy including t-shirts, cds, etc. However one of the bands caught my eye. They had a few tshirts but then the rest of their table was covered in stickers and little cards to fill out to sponsor a child. I thought, "wow, if only everyone did that!" I found it inspiring that there are many people who are not just making music, but making their music count! Somehow, someway they are making a difference. I personally have never EVER seen something like that at a concert, let alone someone talking about it during their show.It made me really respect that band, whether or not how they sounded. What do you think? Should we be more involved and impacting then we are? What can we do to be a part of someones life? What can we do to make music count?
Please leave any comments or thoughts or send them to lfpdream@live.com
Interested in sponsoring a child? Visit http://www.worldvision.org/

The Inspiration We Could Learn

It's amazing how everyday people who may have money, who may have wealth and who may have love, give up on life.Yet you see people without a penny, who barely have enough food, and perhaps without love or friends, still strive and continue to live life. Even though i'm sure most of them feel like they are at the end of their rope, they still press on and pursue no matter if it's hurting their pride or humbling them.If some of us could only learn that. We go through one hardship or tough situation and think it's over. But what about the people that lose everything and everyone and still make it through life? Shouldn't we really look up to them and learn insteadof casting judgement on them? False Accusations, Bitterness, and Judgement can sow some evil seeds that won't ever harvest, or flourish.It will only leave us the same as we were; perhaps worse..So this week lets try to be more understanding, more hopeful and perhaps less judgmental on especially those who may be poor, or those who are of different color or race ormaybe just someone you dislike. It could change you or your perception!

Riches to Rags

Riches to Rags

Sometime during the winter; when the trees were bare, when the air was cold and when one wasnot found without a cup of coffee in hand, Ryan and I decided to venture to Akron. Grabbing a coffee for a person we didnt know seemed slightly odd. But we didn't care. Our goal was to find someone in need to talk to who maybe needed more than just food. (maybe just needed our time) Around 5pm (30-60mins after), we spotted only one homeless man standing on a corner by a busy intersection while holding up a sign that said "I Need Food". We parked at a old and vacant lot adjacent to where the man was standing and made our way towards him with a cup of coffee in one hand and hope in the other. He smiled as we said hello. We asked him how he was and other 'along the line' questions like the weather. Then we handed him the coffee however he refused, declaring that it would keep him up at night. Which was understandable. I was outside only for 5, maybe 10 minutes and i was shivering. I thought, 'How could this man with a light jacket and pants with holes be standing out here for so long?'. As we started to leave, Ryan and I agreed we should get him some food just to help out. As I drove I thought of how this middle aged man did not fit the ideal homeless person i've always pictured. He was clean-cut, spoke clearly, hair maintained, no smell of alcohol or drugs on his breath and his attitude towards everything was much different than what I expected. We came back with the food in hand. The man was very grateful. He then began to open up more as we asked more questions about how he got there, what he did before, etc.He was married, had 2 children, had 5 years of college under his belt and was at one point going back to school to get his Masters to be an english teacher. His father was a Doctor. He grew up in a normal, upper class household. But then when his wife divorced him, he had no job so was left to the streets. "God has a way of humbling you" he quoted after telling us this. For him, he said "...this has been an eye opening and humbling experience he won't ever forget".No one, not even his parents or children know that he is homeless and in this extreme condition. He went on to explain that he lives just a block away in a garage and that the food he collects he keeps for storage while rationing it out. That day alone he was outside for more than 5 hours and he had still 3 to go. One of the last things he said before we were on our way, was that he will "... get out of this soon enough and finish my education to be a english professor." Overall this experience made me happy that we were just able to talk with him and let him share. I also learned that not all homeless are who or what we think of as homeless. Most of themare people, just like me and you, who once had goals and dreams, but by one event turned their world upside down. Not everyone has a home, or family or even friends to talk to, or share with.That's where we come in. Love In Action! P.S. Hopefully sometime soon, we will be making our way back to see how he is!I will let you know! :) Thank you for Reading!

You'd Be Suprised

...what people try to do to ruin your joy and happiness
because they are either unhappy themselves or simply don't like
to see others smiling.

What's wrong with today's society?
Are there really people who exhist in the world that are that ignorant,
that are filled with that much hate, and that feel so down on
themselves that writing an anonymous rude note will give them some
sort of exciting pleasure?

Just puttin that out there.
The comment itself didn't bother me, however, the fact that there are people living
who comment like that, did.

I'm still going to have a good day. True joy can't be trumped by asinine statements.
:)

A Thought for the Sunshine

Happiness can't depend on other people around you and how they feel.
It depends on you.
It is your choice to be happy.
It is your choice to smile.
It is your choice to let the sunshine in.

New Thinking. UPDATE hardcore. SPRING 2010

So it's 2010. Who knew time would go so fast.
Within the recent year of 2009, my writing was minimal.
I'll fill you in now, so that everything from now on will make more sense.

Last spring was a year ago. It was also the last time I was going to Kent.
Since then? work...work...work...
I'll be taking a few Summer Classes this year,
Finally. Getting back on track.

Jack is no more. That was done with in February 2009.
August 2009 I met someone wonderful and have been with him since (Ryan).

Things I LOVE...NOW:
Writing, Photography, Poetry, Chicago, Cafes, Coffee, Music, Dance, Talent, Beauty, Nature, Kindness, Spontaneity, Selfless Acts, People, Helping Others, Supporting Causes, Smiling, Laughing, Sarcasm, JESUS, Family, Wonderful Friends, The Man I Love, Knowledge, Learning...the list goes on.

I'm trying to land a few freelancing jobs while still working at the Inn.
I love writing articles about my opinion or something of the sort.

I've gotten more interested in how to fix things...like cars.
I've learned to changed my oil, what to do when your car runs out of gas and what happens if your tire blows.

I've learned there ARE good people in the world. It just takes a little longer than we like to find them.

I will be writing more and perhaps it will catch your interest! Have a great day!
Summer is coming.

He's There When We Don't Feel Him

A few things have been brought to my attention lately. I don't know if it's through experience or just learning something new.
Does it ever feel like God is not even close? like he is so far away we can't even touch him or receive his blessings?
Well I realized he is not! If we have a relationship with the one and only, we are always in his presence. No matter what. But sometimes we do things, say things and treat eachother differently, because we don't "feel" him.
Our feelings don't always comply with what God Is. Simple as that.

But we should not base our love for God on our feelings, but rather our faith and what we know to be true about HIM and his love for us.

We have no idea how much God he loves us. It's so abundant and filled with blessings.
But we have to be willing to let him in.
We have to be willing to lay down the sins that makes us blind from seeing his face.
We have to be willing to get rid of the wall Satan puts up.
GOD loves us soooo much-its hard for us to fathom.
But once we know and trust on that; he will be our strength, our fortrous, our foundation!

Don't Give up. Don't give in. Let God do the rest!
When you don't feel like he's there, just remind yourself that he died just for YOU. That he rose again just for YOU. and that he is coming back soon just for YOU! :)