OMG. A million things are running through my mind.
I can't compile the thoughts nor can I sort them in any specific fashion or form.
Why do we worry so much about the future?
When really we can't control none of things that we DO worry about.
Why, as human beings, do we think everything will be smooth sailing?
When really things take money, time, commitment, trust, etc.
Why does music for some reason effect us?
When really it's just words that people are speaking with a melody.
Why can I comprehend metaphors and symbols better than actual speaking?
When really most people capture the obvious.
Why am I surrounded by so many ideals with no direct path to choose from?
When really it's quite simple; to choose whether you believe in something or not.
Why do we, as the world, concentrate so much on money, politics, and religion?
When really those things are eternally not important.
Why do I have a million words to say?
When I really can't spill them out.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Some Greek and Hebrew
Okay, so I decided.
The thing I want most; the object that I would love to cling to if possible in the universe.
Would be to obtain Knowledge.
Not that contains just general tips, hints, or ideas, but rather deep, serenated, thoughtful, creative, indepth, insightful intelligence about the world. No, about religion, politics and ideals that would take deep thought and concentration to succeed the ability of understanding.
Sometimes I wish I could understand things in a nutshell...and sometimes I feel like I do for maybe a split second. Like the world around me comes together just for a minute, and then it splits in a billion pieces once again.
While I'm experiencing other things in life, at some moments in time I wish to press pause and take in that moment.
But in reality, maybe I'm not meant to have this sort of knowledge. Maybe i'm just suppose to think, learn what I can, and learn some greek and hebrew.
The thing I want most; the object that I would love to cling to if possible in the universe.
Would be to obtain Knowledge.
Not that contains just general tips, hints, or ideas, but rather deep, serenated, thoughtful, creative, indepth, insightful intelligence about the world. No, about religion, politics and ideals that would take deep thought and concentration to succeed the ability of understanding.
Sometimes I wish I could understand things in a nutshell...and sometimes I feel like I do for maybe a split second. Like the world around me comes together just for a minute, and then it splits in a billion pieces once again.
While I'm experiencing other things in life, at some moments in time I wish to press pause and take in that moment.
But in reality, maybe I'm not meant to have this sort of knowledge. Maybe i'm just suppose to think, learn what I can, and learn some greek and hebrew.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Satisfaction- No Testimony?
Ever wonder how one thing can fill your satisfaction?
to tell you the truth nothing can.
Lately, small things can fill my satisfaction for only a couple minutes, a couple hours or even several days, but NOTHING can fill me forever.
It's strange. At the time, I think it can, but in the end it's discouraging and even sometimes scary.
It gets hard to understand and grasp what will last and what won't.
Even all the major things in life we think that will fulfill us, like family, friends, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, sex, etc.....
In the end, none of those things matter. In the end, none of these things can fulfill us.
As human beings, we are deceived. And think that somehow these things will complete us or make us whole.
But nothing can make us whole except the Lord God Almighty.
In an odd way, it's weird to say this but in the end I know i'm right.
When I was younger, i sinned of course but nothing major. I figured that I had no testimony and I felt boring; unlike other people who came out of serious things.
Somehow later down the road that deceived my mind. It wasn't the reason why I did the things I did, more over it was things I wanted to do.
Now, after doing several stupid things in my life i finally realized that NOT getting into junk WAS my testimony.
I was able to disdain from sins of the world. That WAS something AMAZING.
Now, I feel drenched with sin, tired with immorality, and unsuited for life and God's purpose.
I know this could be a so called "testimony" of itself, but I wish i would have realized that sooner.
I shouldn't have wasted my time on things that don't matter later down the road.
Instead I should have concentrated on things that will.
I made the mistake of believing that other things could build up to my satisfaction even when I knew it all along that it couldn't.
Until the moment I realized my road ends here; these things have to stop.
My eyes are open and I finally realize the mistakes I made are not of God.
So why do I still get the feeling that some things are okay in certain circumstances?
Why do I feel like i'm still being clung by a hand of death and sickness?
Why do I want to go back to the fatal being I once was?
Am I being tricked or is this just another "venture" to "find" satisfaction?
to tell you the truth nothing can.
Lately, small things can fill my satisfaction for only a couple minutes, a couple hours or even several days, but NOTHING can fill me forever.
It's strange. At the time, I think it can, but in the end it's discouraging and even sometimes scary.
It gets hard to understand and grasp what will last and what won't.
Even all the major things in life we think that will fulfill us, like family, friends, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, sex, etc.....
In the end, none of those things matter. In the end, none of these things can fulfill us.
As human beings, we are deceived. And think that somehow these things will complete us or make us whole.
But nothing can make us whole except the Lord God Almighty.
In an odd way, it's weird to say this but in the end I know i'm right.
When I was younger, i sinned of course but nothing major. I figured that I had no testimony and I felt boring; unlike other people who came out of serious things.
Somehow later down the road that deceived my mind. It wasn't the reason why I did the things I did, more over it was things I wanted to do.
Now, after doing several stupid things in my life i finally realized that NOT getting into junk WAS my testimony.
I was able to disdain from sins of the world. That WAS something AMAZING.
Now, I feel drenched with sin, tired with immorality, and unsuited for life and God's purpose.
I know this could be a so called "testimony" of itself, but I wish i would have realized that sooner.
I shouldn't have wasted my time on things that don't matter later down the road.
Instead I should have concentrated on things that will.
I made the mistake of believing that other things could build up to my satisfaction even when I knew it all along that it couldn't.
Until the moment I realized my road ends here; these things have to stop.
My eyes are open and I finally realize the mistakes I made are not of God.
So why do I still get the feeling that some things are okay in certain circumstances?
Why do I feel like i'm still being clung by a hand of death and sickness?
Why do I want to go back to the fatal being I once was?
Am I being tricked or is this just another "venture" to "find" satisfaction?
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Grape Juice and Watch the World Wonder How You Did It!
My quote of the Season.
Life is crazy.
Sometimes you don't always get what you want.
But when life hands you something usual like lemons....be creative; craze it up a bit and make grape juice.
Life will be a little more interesting that way.
Plus it's a little entertaining.
Life is crazy.
Sometimes you don't always get what you want.
But when life hands you something usual like lemons....be creative; craze it up a bit and make grape juice.
Life will be a little more interesting that way.
Plus it's a little entertaining.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Fill In
So....I look back on my blogs and think wow...i've really grown mentally...as far as the last post goes..ya i def. most have been half of sleep while writing it so please forgive the misunderstandable language..
a few things i learned recently...or actually thought about more :
1) life is sooooo short; enjoy every minute ya got.
2) i'm not going to live on my own till i have to
3) the war is an interesting conglobaration and way too extremely controversial
4) embracing life doesn't mean doing whatever the heck ya want; it's about making a sacrifice for someone...about making a commitment...about holding on to the fear that so many hold on today.
5) enjoy the people you are around or love cuz one day they won't be able to dry your tears, laugh with you or sing with you.
6) make each moment in life something to remember; whether you told someone you love them, or if it's going somewhere you've never been or if it's just sharing your experience of life so far with other people
7) being passionate about life is not a myth; it's an actuality that should consume your everyday
8) family is important more than we know
... those are some things that have been on my mind and heart lately...
right now...i'm still surviving, and breathing with a roof over my head, food in my stomach, some money in my pocket (emph. on some) and a house filled of people that love me.. =)
a few things i learned recently...or actually thought about more :
1) life is sooooo short; enjoy every minute ya got.
2) i'm not going to live on my own till i have to
3) the war is an interesting conglobaration and way too extremely controversial
4) embracing life doesn't mean doing whatever the heck ya want; it's about making a sacrifice for someone...about making a commitment...about holding on to the fear that so many hold on today.
5) enjoy the people you are around or love cuz one day they won't be able to dry your tears, laugh with you or sing with you.
6) make each moment in life something to remember; whether you told someone you love them, or if it's going somewhere you've never been or if it's just sharing your experience of life so far with other people
7) being passionate about life is not a myth; it's an actuality that should consume your everyday
8) family is important more than we know
... those are some things that have been on my mind and heart lately...
right now...i'm still surviving, and breathing with a roof over my head, food in my stomach, some money in my pocket (emph. on some) and a house filled of people that love me.. =)
Friday, August 8, 2008
Back to Home
I question myself as to why i'm still up. It still has not come to me. I have not slept for a good 50 hours. yes, i'm a bit weary but i will manage.
However, one thing i didn't manage is staying in the same place for long.
I moved back to Ohio.
Being up all night, I cleaned the indiana house from top to bottom.
now, me sitting before you, i am writing from ohio.
i believe everything is clean, gone and packed for the next trip out to shipshewana.
my body is so tired, and weak that i can barely stay up to keep my blood pumping.
with the little sleep i covered was that.
my eyes are drifting and i just may fall on my face when you walk down the aisle..ahh..
However, one thing i didn't manage is staying in the same place for long.
I moved back to Ohio.
Being up all night, I cleaned the indiana house from top to bottom.
now, me sitting before you, i am writing from ohio.
i believe everything is clean, gone and packed for the next trip out to shipshewana.
my body is so tired, and weak that i can barely stay up to keep my blood pumping.
with the little sleep i covered was that.
my eyes are drifting and i just may fall on my face when you walk down the aisle..ahh..
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Re-Directing the Challenge
So it is amazing how plans change....amazing.
the challenge that i believe(d) i was suppose to take on did not go as planned.
i got sick ... very sick.
in time; i could not drive an hour away, get on a train and ride for 3 hours.
nor could have i walked around the town of chicago in the warm, sun burning heat.
i was sad; but then i was given an opportunity several days later to experience or something to regain my challenge that i set for myself.
sometimes life doesn't really go as planned, but we have to remember...always remember that the "messed up" plans are some key features that make life different, and interesting.
the challenge that i believe(d) i was suppose to take on did not go as planned.
i got sick ... very sick.
in time; i could not drive an hour away, get on a train and ride for 3 hours.
nor could have i walked around the town of chicago in the warm, sun burning heat.
i was sad; but then i was given an opportunity several days later to experience or something to regain my challenge that i set for myself.
sometimes life doesn't really go as planned, but we have to remember...always remember that the "messed up" plans are some key features that make life different, and interesting.
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