Satisfaction- No Testimony?

Ever wonder how one thing can fill your satisfaction?
to tell you the truth nothing can.

Lately, small things can fill my satisfaction for only a couple minutes, a couple hours or even several days, but NOTHING can fill me forever.

It's strange. At the time, I think it can, but in the end it's discouraging and even sometimes scary.

It gets hard to understand and grasp what will last and what won't.

Even all the major things in life we think that will fulfill us, like family, friends, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, sex, etc.....

In the end, none of those things matter. In the end, none of these things can fulfill us.

As human beings, we are deceived. And think that somehow these things will complete us or make us whole.

But nothing can make us whole except the Lord God Almighty.

In an odd way, it's weird to say this but in the end I know i'm right.

When I was younger, i sinned of course but nothing major. I figured that I had no testimony and I felt boring; unlike other people who came out of serious things.

Somehow later down the road that deceived my mind. It wasn't the reason why I did the things I did, more over it was things I wanted to do.

Now, after doing several stupid things in my life i finally realized that NOT getting into junk WAS my testimony.
I was able to disdain from sins of the world. That WAS something AMAZING.

Now, I feel drenched with sin, tired with immorality, and unsuited for life and God's purpose.

I know this could be a so called "testimony" of itself, but I wish i would have realized that sooner.
I shouldn't have wasted my time on things that don't matter later down the road.
Instead I should have concentrated on things that will.

I made the mistake of believing that other things could build up to my satisfaction even when I knew it all along that it couldn't.

Until the moment I realized my road ends here; these things have to stop.
My eyes are open and I finally realize the mistakes I made are not of God.

So why do I still get the feeling that some things are okay in certain circumstances?
Why do I feel like i'm still being clung by a hand of death and sickness?
Why do I want to go back to the fatal being I once was?
Am I being tricked or is this just another "venture" to "find" satisfaction?